i miss rivals 2 again and i need to play it more.
it has been a while. both been busy and not feeling busy enough. been maintaining relationships which is good and something i do not care to share on here. still have been plagued by the same old stuff and so have been writing and making because of it which i've finally thrown up on this site (two poems and finally some attempts at prose)
every time i share here i stray further from the intended purpose of this journal to talk about games and media. i can at least say i've been enjoying lorelei and the laser eyes recently. simogo does not let up in having just the most cryptically complicated metanarratives with philosophically esoteric musings on the endeavors in creating art. i just really like art about making art. the puzzles are also pretty fun too if not bearing an incredible close resemblance to all of the good and bad in puzzles from classic point-and-click adventure games, just now realised in a 3d resident-evil-esque space and complete with some god awful menuing and tank control segments. this game will probably bounce off of a lot of people but i absolutely adore it
does anyone else become so afflicted with the beauty of art you wonder if you're capable of producing a plague that can afflict others to such a degree
in other news, i'm thinking of reading scps again. the more recent 7xxx and 8xxx series are such a blindspot for me and there are just so many new up-and-coming writers that are just creating such neat works
there's something to be said about the crossing of boundaries that come from immigrant parents whose homelands underwent violence around borders. this is my melodramatic way of saying that it has yet again been tiring times as i am cooped up for now sharing a room with my brother which will then extend to my entire family as their rooms will enter the mix of rooms under construction. i will dread this, and i have resigned to the fate of having to kick everyone out in the morning, most notably my mother who would actually be around at this time, and thus have to shine a big spotlight on an overall beneficial process that i nonetheless carry a bit of shame still stemming from stereotypical attitudes towards mental health inherited from my parents.
this can be a general journal, but this is supposed to be one where i just write down my fun thoughts about games. too bad i haven't been playing (any interesting) games. there's a lot of really good ones on the horizon; it has been quite a blessed time to enjoy indie games with literally so many i was looking forward all coming out literally same day may ninth. maybe i will simply just purchase animal well to play as a treat.
tiring times again as i continue helping my parents clean as home renovations go on. it's come to the stuff in my room and it becomes more physically apparent the things i must relinquish temporarily to occupy this space at home with my parents. i worry about complaceny and not changing yet so much around me continues to change. there's a dinner i'm going to tomorrow to catch up with some old colleagues on a research project and i don't really have any tangible accommplishments that matter to present them. i've gone a turbulent life filled with achievement and marked by great change to a more stable, slower, but sensible life in order to recoup energy. but energy towards what? i'm on a dating app for the first time, even if it's a shitpost of an app and it is socially analogous to junk food as i have complete strangers reach out to me with some common footing or unthinkably, a compliment! and yet the empty calories of these interactions render me hollow. i will share my next work on how i just simply want to consume flesh metaphorically.
deciding now that i will keep a "journal" around. it will probably feel more like vomit but it's better than attaching numbers and analytics to my bile.
in other words, i have been thinking so much about how one of the best sequences of detective fiction i've ever played didn't come from poring over evidence and culminating to some big "aha!" moment of logical deduction but just a very thoroughly visceral field autopsy culminating in a big "aha!" moment that rings even harder when there had only been so many setbacks and failures in the investigation. i need to play more disco elysium and not just think about it.